Now A Family of *gulp* Six.

We don't have a chariot necessarily, but my engineering self put together the swing today (all by my onesies!). Even Roman loves it, with all the buttons and speeds. It has a music button and a "white noise" button, with different selections each time you press them. Really quite cool. We had a hand-me-down that we loaned to friends, who then loaned it to friends out of state... so they were wonderful to purchase a brand new one for us. And it also got the first true interaction between brothers! Well, a stare from the little one, but he clearly knew who was "pushing his buttons" so to speak! Roman is saying, "what do you think, Charlie? Do you like that?" Too cute. PS: That super-cool outfit Charlie is wearing is a true newborn size! And it's a hoodie! (which in Roman's world, is the coolest a shirt can get.) Unfortunately, all the socks we have are too big for Charlie's twig-legs, so we just have to keep wrapping blankets around his feet...

First the bad news. Rebekka's mom made sure that we couldn't see her today, by deciding at the last minute to take the day off from work and keep Rebekka busy all through the evening. Deliberate, the social worker and I believe, to keep her away from us. So the social worker told mom that Rebekka will spend the day with us next week sometime (through dinner) and there will be no argument. So there. Disappointing, but not surprising. So we will go to church after all, and I earn a day off from cooking dinner. Charlie's vision is definitely improving. He has recognized a bottle in front of his face (the usual 8-12 inches) many times now, and today I caught him staring at a little blue bear rattle (as seen in a previous picture) in the pack & play. I picked it up and shook it, and he kicked his legs. I shook it in his line of sight, and then moved it a little without noise, and Charlie definitely tracked it a tiny bit with his head. This is a huge thing - he just keeps ac...

Roman is done with having a little brother, I think. This weekend was really hard on him, and us. We were short on sleep anyway thanks to Charlie, who had developed a pretty bad constipation/gas issue based on the preemie formula he was taking (and therefore was awake every 45 min. or so, all night, Friday and Saturday). And Roman is tired of the attention given to Charlie, so Saturday morning began with a 6am wakeup by Roman ("I'm hungry. I'm hungry. I'm hungry" ad nauseum) until one of us told him to be quiet or there'd be no breakfast. This was followed by a pretty good morning, but then the afternoon after we got back from the hospital can be summed up in one phrase: "Who is going to play with me?" Constantly. "I can't play by myself." "I want you to keep my company." "Will you play? Will you play? Will you play?" Combine these neverending phrases with not following directions ("Don't take your Lego gu...

I've gotten really comfortable with the idea that God will guide us in life, if we give Him the chance. God also solves a lot of things and gives us what we want - not always in the way expected, of course. Since Charlie's arrival Doug and I have done a lot of talking about the future (by email, of course - one of us is usually sleeping if we're both at home!). There are goals we have talked about before that appear to be closer, and there's that pesky issue of me returning to work (or not?) in the Fall. So the other day, I had a little talk with God. I told him that we had a couple burning issues that we needed guidance on - whether to pursue my/our desire of returning to the "west side," and separately, whether I should return to work or not. I told God there was no rush, but if He wanted to share some thoughts with us, that'd be cool. Well. Two days later, we received an answer to the first issue - whether it was feasible to keep daydreaming about the ...

Charlie's first full-body bath at home. Heh. He likes his head and face being washed, but clearly, not his whole body! Everything here is going along just fine. We're settling into our 3-hour schedule, our nighttimes are getting tolerable -or, we're getting used to our lack of sleep. I still forget things and am pretty clueless when anything is attempted to be explained to me. My brain slowly turning to mush. Perhaps I will shut off the tv and start reading again... although we are trying to keep the house noisy so Charlie is used to it. Music, I guess, will finally make a reappearance in our household life. So goodbye for today, "Regis & Kelly"... I will have to miss one of your rerun episodes, "Crossing Jordan"... and I will go without household decorating advice from HGTV for today. Ah, the sacrifices. Charlie has increased his feedings again... we just kind of fill the bottle and see what he takes. Lately he has been taking between 60-80cc. In fa...

Both boys had an appointment with the pediatrician this morning. Whew. I think I was more emotionally drained than either of them after it was all over. We were there for 2 hours - and that was with no delays, as the office is good about getting us in. The physical report: Roman is between 75 & 90th percentile for height and weight. He weighed about 37, I think, and I don't know his height. They checked his eyes and they were fine. Charlie: He is between 50 & 75th percentile in weight (he broke 5 pounds!) and head circumference, and he is off the charts - in a good way - for his length (18 inches). Now, the pain report: Roman had to have FOUR shots to wrap up his immunizations before school starts. Can you believe it?! The poor boy. We knew about 3 of them and had prepared him. He was scared and cried a bit in anticipation, but when they told him there would be four, he fell apart. I think people in the next building could hear him screaming. I had to hold him on my lap, h...

Too tired to string words together tonight, but wanted to bring awareness to this adaptation from Erma Bombeck's book, "Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession." I found it in my travels across the Internet and it makes me feel very good. Plus, I love(d) Erma Bombeck. How Preemie Moms Are Chosen Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen? Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger. "Beth Armstrong, son. Patron Saint, Matthew." "Marjorie Forrest, daughter. Patron Saint, Ceceilia." "Carrie Rutledge, twins. Patron Saint ... give her Gerard. He's used to profanity." Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a preemie." The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy." "Exactly," smiles God. "Could I gi...

Really, this is a baby's life. And our schedule. Sleep, feed, attempt to "play," and sleep. Charlie does a lot of sleep, feed, attempt to stay awake, sleep. We're pretty flexible on things and will be until around due date (at which time we will get a little more disciplined on sticking to a schedule). In reference to my previous post, we are proponents of the "parent-led" schedule, which despite what most people believe, has flexibility in it. The hospital put him on a wonderful 3-hour schedule which can only get longer as he grows bigger - who would want to screw that up? What we have found is that Charlie wants a lot of "being held" time. If he wakes halfway through his sleep mode, that's usually why - he just wants to be cuddled. Which we are happy to oblige, although at 2am or 3am it's a little trying. Roman was that way too, but at 9 months it was a little more frustrating - and heavy! Anyway, to the topic at hand - food. Charlie is b...

Charlie is one month old as of last night. It's slightly bittersweet, as I suppose all dates & anniversaries will be for the next few months. I mean, I look at him sometimes and think, "you're still supposed to be in my belly! For another six weeks!" He has improved in this one month - he looks and sounds more like a baby. However, the normal strides that a newborn makes occurs in teeny tiny little increments with preemies. To me, outside of the fact he's filling out a little more, he acts much the same way he did in the incubator. As for age, of course, it's a challenge identifying it for other people. Today we had an appt. with a retinal specialist, which I will talk about later in the post. They had to put two sets of 3 eyedrops in his eyes. They do this in the waiting room. I had to pull Charlie out of his carseat for them to do it (it took two nurses, one to hold his eyes and one to put the drops in - I'm sure there's a joke in there somewhere...

Got busy this morning, tired this evening. Took a few pictures today so I'll post tomorrow with them.

It's been a long time since I've seen 12am turn into 1am, turn into 2am... and I'm sure Doug doesn't want to remember the last time he saw 4am slide into 6am (but wait - that was with Roman!)... but that was our night last night. Little ol' blue eyes apparently doesn't like his every-three-hour feeding schedule anymore, and thinks every 2 hours... or maybe 4 hours... it depends on how sleepy he is.... maybe he's just pooping... you get the idea . With a preemie it's a fine line between newborn advice and your own/his own needs. There's a debate in new-parent circles between demand-feeding a baby and putting one on a schedule, and child-led schedules vs. parent-led schedules... but with a preemie it's hard to judge those arguments. He's on a mandatory 35cc per feeding; sometimes he takes 60cc. Should we increase amount of feedings or keep him at a high level of liquids? He may sleep for 4 hours, but he is starving and then spits up. Or he'...

Funny, when preemie & Dad are the healthiest people in the house. We'll talk about my aches in a minute, but poor Roman has strep throat. I just wasn't asking the right question. "Does your throat hurt?" Got a "no" response. When Daddy asked "Does your throat hurt when you swallow?" we got an emphatic "yes." Nice. We looked in the throat, saw the white bumps, and there you have it. Because we wanted him to get on antibiotics right away, I took him to the walk-in clinic last night. Turns out Charlie can't get strep at his age - no tonsillar pillars - but he can, of course, get congestion & cough which Roman also has. Roman is obviously much better today, his fever broke; I think he actually has a cold underneath the strep. So here's crossing fingers that Doug or I don't get it. Any of it. Roman picked out his own clothes on a healthier day. For me, it's been a matter of retraining my...

As seems to be typical of the last, oh... since January 1st, my plans again went awry for today. Roman developed a fever on Saturday night that continues to pop up whenever we stop giving Children's Tylenol, so he is staying home today from preschool. So my glorious first official day home with just me and Charlie, of which I - dare I say it - had actually made a plan for, has fallen by the wayside in favor of arguing with a tired & sick 4-year-old. Examples, all of which have come out of my mouth today: "No, you can't play Lego Star Wars game all day. No, you can't just drink juice all day; you have to eat something too. No, you can't have a fruit snack. You have to eat something healthy. No, a Nutty Bar is not healthy. Choose, Roman, the Darth Vader game or a video. I'm not switching power cords all day long. Oh, of course Roman, you know everything, so don't follow my directions. I'm NOT getting your Valentines out now, we'll do it this after...

He has been held almost constantly for 36 hours. He has gone through 4 outfits. Amy has been pooped and peed on. Doug has not. Roman went shopping with Grandpa and got a Star Wars Lego set (post-films ship). Roman had a meltdown at dinner, begged to "go rest," and fell asleep in bed at 5:30pm. Grandpa has not fed Charlie but held him all afternoon. Baba has fed Charlie twice and got 3 good burps out of him. Doug has gotten approx. 6 hours of sleep (in 2-hour increments). Amy has gotten approximately 4 hours of sleep, plus a half-hour nap. Roman has "petted" Charlie twice and checked on him whenever we've asked. No pictures - I'm typing on a different computer. Perhaps tomorrow.

Can you believe it?! And of course, he's already screwing up his hospital-made schedule. He didn't want to eat at 2:30 and only took half his normal feeding, then he was hungry 2 hours later and had almost 20cc. So who knows how much he'll take at the next feeding? What a stinker. So much for having an every-three-hour night. But if you consider what he has gone through today - circumcision, car ride, change in location - I guess my day would be a little thrown off too. Roman was very excited to have his little brother home, and he even made a sparkly glitter picture for near Charlie's bed. We're going to pose for a whole-family picture after dinner. More updates later.

I spent a good bit of time with Charlie today. Did 3 feedings, one in which he sucked down 50cc (almost 2 ounces) without burping or pausing longer than a couple breaths. That boy is hungry ! He weighed 1995 grams this afternoon, which is 4.4 pounds. They did a "bath demo" for me, which is nice because honestly, I've never bathed a newborn. Roman screamed for the first month of baths, but he also could sit up on his own so no problems there. Dr. Man (I can't remember his last name), the resident who replaced Dr. Magdalena, came by for a chat and reviewed discharge. Nurse Carol also got his discharge paperwork going so it would be a bit faster for us in the morning. Roman has chosen to go to preschool in the morning instead of to the hospital. I have mixed feelings about this. In my "Norman Rockwell" mind I want the whole family to be there and experience it together. But, I know that discharge will take awhile and there will be lots of instructions, too, and...

Again, our dining room looks like a baby store exploded inside it. Between things borrowed and bought, we haven't put anything away... and the washer & dryer are in use quite a bit trying to wash floor blankets, the little outfits, receiving blankets, preparing everything for, uh... tomorrow. We got confirmation that unless something goes drastically wrong, Charlie will be discharged sometime after 10am on Friday. Drs. do their rounds then, they will do a final check on him, and then Doug and I will receive our instructions. Charlie received 2 shots yesterday for the start of immunizations, I had to leave early due to weather so I couldn't comfort him. That bothered me a lot. I asked about when the circumcision would be done and they said "whenever the dr. comes in" so that irritates me as well, maybe not being able to be there to comfort him. It's very much like when Roman was in Russia, knowing these things were happening but not being able to be a parent. I...

I mean the title in a good way. I think. I must repeat... holy crap. I went to the hospital as is my usual habit, settled in with Charlie in my arms, and continued reading a book. Nurse Debbie came in and we chatted about how well Charlie is doing. Nurse said that based on weight, Charlie could come out of the isolette & into an open-air bassinet. This just amazed me and I was thrilled! Then, as Nurse perused his chart, she asked if anyone had "talked dates" with me yet. I knew she meant when Charlie would be discharged. I said the last thing I had heard - a couple weeks if things continued to go well. She laughed. I felt a stab of excited dread. She said, "if he does well in the bassinet, he'll be going home this weekend." WHAT?! Jaw hit the floor. I started laughing. Almost cried. What?! I told her my mom was coming this weekend so we could shop for things we needed; Nurse laughed again and said, "I think you need to go out shopping tonight. Your mom ...

I arrived at the hospital to find that Charlie's nose-tube had been taken out - he is now getting all feedings by bottle! I was fortunate enough to give him 2 bottles today. And do lots of cuddling, of course. His hair is continuing to grow in, quite blonde. He searches for my face when I'm talking to him, it's really quite amazing. He did have a couple issues with milk coming back up - once through his nose & mouth, and it appeared he had spit up quite a bit on his outfit before I came. The nurse reassures me that at this stage milk's as easy coming up as it is going down, so not to worry. The nurses also keep telling us "he won't be here long" and "hope you guys are getting ready for him to go home!" This strikes fear into me. I'm just getting used to him being in the world, for goodness sakes. And he still makes me very nervous - it's that floppy head of his. Anyway, so Roman and I took a field trip to Babies R Us this afternoon. I...

I think a little post-partum "baby blues" has finally begun to hit. It's totally expected that I, being slightly more prone to depression than most people, would have it anyway. Doug is under constant vigilance to make sure I don't fall into PPD. I know all the signs and symptoms, and even know what to do when I have them for an extended amount. So we'll see what happens. It's a bummer with Charlie in the hospital, can't figure out what's normal baby blues and what's stress from the situation. I'm not happy with what hormones are doing to my body postpartum either; specifically, acne. It was bad while pregnant, but now it's like my torso is one big zit. Yuck. I thought I'd try to cheer myself up today by slipping on a non-maternity shirt that I should be able to wear, forgetting that my "girls" are even bigger now than when I was pregnant. So my wardrobe currently is as follows: 2 pairs of velour elastic-waist lounge pants fro...

My parents-in-law are heading home, and Doug and I are all by ourselves for real now. I can finally drive (although the car, supposedly fixed, is not. So it's going back to the fix-it shop on Monday). Our house & laundry has been done for 2 weeks in a row, giving Doug a break and me a head start on being a stay-at-home-mom for the next 8 months. Goodness, 8 months? Well, 7, technically. Wow. Anyway, today the weather was not so good. Therefore Roman stayed home again and miraculously took a 2 hour nap. He also was tired this evening - I think we finally broke the cycle of overtiredness and he can finally start catching up. My pappy-in-law drove me up to the hospital where I was pleased to discover I did not miss the 11am feeding. And on top of that, they wanted to try bottle feeding! And then, they reminded me that babies need burping. Can you believe how tiny he is compared to my hand? And despite the look on his face, Charlie enjoyed it. He received 33cc of milk, and drank do...