Now A Family of *gulp* Six.

Charlie is a champ. Even if he takes a step or two backward now, I know he's a champ. He had reached the point that they were dropping humidity every 12 hours. Well, he was handling the drops so well, and was already on room air, that they have removed him from his incubator and put him in a regular isolette! He also is getting 31cc of milk a feeding (that's a touch over an ounce) and holding it down well. Lastly, he has gained another 10 grams! The nurse said tonight that she was really hoping for a big poop to prove that everything is "flowing" well but he's just doing awesome. So, this also means that the battle for milk delivery is upon us. Will I breastfeed? Will I bottle feed? I have encountered "whatever" nurses on this debate already, and I have had an adamant breastfeeding nurse already. I will tell you, gentle readers, that I did agree to try breast "non-nutrietive sucking" so I could make an educated and informed decision on whether ...

Charlie got his IV taken out on Wednesday afternoon! They felt he was digesting and gaining well enough that they could try him without. Notice the word try ; it's always possible he'll need it again. But it was great to make that kind of progress - and be there to see it! Here he is, with no IV on his arms or legs: They have also begun "non-nutrietive sucking," which I simply call "practice." Just to see if he knows what to do to get food in his mouth. He starts out strong but then gets kind of tired and just sits there; and that is pretty normal too. He will keep the tube in his nose (I was corrected and told it was a gavage (guh-vahge) tube, not a nasogastric tube) until they are confident he is sucking and doing everything properly, which could be a couple weeks or more. Then the nurse panicked me by saying, "...and the earliest he could go home is about 2-1/2 weeks!" Yikes! Still not prepared for that! I was also talking to a couple yesterday ...

I am tired. I've been trying to get up to pump at night, but last night I didn't even make it. My eyes opened, and apparently I just went right to sleep. I paid for it in the morning, however, with some pretty sore... anyway, I did catch a 45-minute nap this afternoon and it helped me power through the evening. I'm exhausted, though. All that's happened in the past week is really starting to take its toll. Being tired also makes me more emotional, if that's possible. I have held it together pretty well the past few days, just a few tears here and there. Well, until tonight. I'm just overwhelmed with "perceived" things to do, phone calls I think I have to return the same day, thank-you notes to write, and oh yeah, Charlie to see, Roman to raise, and a husband to have a conversation with once in awhile. And visiting Charlie is wonderful, but it's also very taxing on my emotions. I try to get some things done at the hospital but between pumping and ho...

Today a lady from church, Susie, drove me to the hospital. This was nice because I usually chat with her on Wednesday evenings and have missed it. Both her boys are adopted (teens, now) and so we had a great talk about that. My friend Wendy, also from church but now also a good neighbor, picked me up and we had a great time catching up. She has been a rock through all this, picking up Roman from preschool on the night Charlie was born, and being such a support in general. Talked to a coworker tonight on the phone, too, who is going to give me a ride up to the hospital on Wednesday. So I feel like I'm reconnecting with people and "surfacing" from this quagmire called hospital bedrest & c-section. Charlie is doing well. Taking half an ounce at each feeding (16cc) and finally began pooping again last night, so digestively he's working. I am noticing that he's beginning to fill out his skin, he looks more like a real baby. His skin is a nice tone, too. He just sme...

This afternoon I got to spend some time with Roman. We played some Star Wars Legos, had dinner while watching a video (a treat for him), and then I gave the bath and let it be a really long one with toys and fizzies (these really cool drops you put in the water and they change color - tonight was purple). Anyway, he was really beginning to push, trying to "make deals" as we call it for bedtime, and all and all be a real brat. He was clearly tired. He got in my lap to hug and kiss goodnight and I asked if we could spend a minute or so talking. He immediately began to rock back and forth in my lap, so I told him to lean against me and we'd chat. He did, and we rocked. We talked a little about Charlie, and spending time together, and then I will never forget this next statement. Roman said, "You cannot spend any time with me." What?! I said. "You have to keep Charlie's company now," was his answer. I started crying, because I figured that's what ...

Doug is holding Charlie right now and humming the Olympics theme song to him. Just finished the 3pm feeding and so now is holding time! We have Nurse Amy back with us this weekend, she was on last weekend too. I have only encountered one nurse I have not liked so far. The nurses I enjoy are ones that tend to have a sense of humor or are really lighthearted about touching Charlie. Nurses Kelly, Julia, and Amy I like the best. We were encouraged to NOT buy preemie things; maybe an outfit or two for "showing off" when he gets home, but not to get a lot of devices or home monitors that aren't necessary. He's in newborn diapers already, and we were told if we get newborn-size gowns that he can grow in we'll be all set. Doug did research on our carseat and it's good for 5 lbs and up, and the nurses suspect he will weigh close to that when he goes home. They also do a carseat inspection before we're allowed to leave the hospital with Charlie, and that makes me fe...

A quick blog tonight because it's been a very long day - pictures tomorrow. I spent a good portion of the day at the hospital today, which made me happy. My parents have returned to their home after a week of my Mom supporting us, of which I am so darn grateful for (the support, not them returning home!). Doug's parents came for a short visit this afternoon and then took Roman to their house for the weekend, so Doug and I can have a couple days to rest & digest all that has happened. There are lots of funny small stories that I'd like to blog, along with lots of feelings to wrestle with (and share with the world, of course), so I'm hoping to have some quiet time to do that. Charlie began taking milk again at noon, and had 2 more subsequently. Only 4cc but it's a start. He kangaroo'd with me twice and was awake for part of that time, so that was neat - to know that he was awake and hearing me. Tonight after Roman and his grandparents took off, Doug and I went...

Here's Charlie relaxing while waiting for me to change his diaper again tonight. What a cool dude, huh? The wrap is because Charlie apparently thinks he can escape, and likes to push himself to the top of the incubator. The nurses are trying to keep him in one spot... Did I mention that I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop with Charlie? I've emailed people and talked to so many people on the phone, I forget what I say. Well, I had been thinking that things are going so well that something should go wrong. We did have a minor setback today. They had raised his feedings this morning to 30cc and were going to take the IV out this afternoon. Well, when they went to check his stomach contents at the 2pm feeding, he still had a bit of greenish liquid in there - enough to say that his tummy isn't digesting everything and needs a break. So they halted his milk feedings for the rest of the day and he remains on IV fluids until Friday, when they will try again. Nurse Julia sai...

Very important things, those three. Charlie is doing well at all of them. They raised his intake to 28cc today, almost an ounce a feeding. I got to "kangaroo" him twice today, late morning before lunch, then again in the afternoon. At 2pm was a big deal - I turned him over from tummy to back for the first time myself (so tiny! so fragile!), and then I changed his teeny tiny diaper! See evidence: Then I "kangaroo'd" for about 1-1/2 hours. Charlie is getting very squirmy, trying to move his head, stretching, getting more comfortable while on me. And he's just adorable, and cute, and little, and sweet. He still weighs just about 3.7-ish pounds. The nurse said that he probably won't "grow" much more before he comes homes, but he will fill out and add weight. So we definitely will have to start looking at preemie-adaptation devices for bassinet, carseat, etc. The funniest part about today? Charlie pooped on me. It's been awhile since I've f...

While there are a lot of emotions going on with myself that I will blog about eventually, I will just give a quick update on Charlie today to answer frequently asked questions. And, of course, post a few pictures. To answer the most frequently asked FAQ, we have no idea when he will be allowed home. At the earliest, 4-5 weeks; they won't even have him out of the humidity in the incubator until January 30th. He needs to learn to regulate his own body temperature, as well as eat, digest, & poop on a regular basis. Once he can do all of this, as well as show growth, then they will consider sending him home. Most the nurses tell us "close to the due date" is what we should shoot for. He is continuing to do well; they increased his feedings to 18cc, which is a little over half-an-ounce per feeding. He is not sucking out of a bottle, but through an NG tube. However, the nurse said as they increase his feedings they will be decreasing the IV fluids; if he continues to take t...

First, news on Charlie: He has lost a couple ounces, which is normal. But, he was on the "jaundice lamp" Sunday and already taken off Monday because his levels went down. He also is feeding well (through a nasogastric tube) so they upped his feedings to 10cc each time. Today was great because Doug and I spent the afternoon together with Charlie. I got to Kangaroo hold him for 1-1/2 hours and Daddy was told he could start holding Charlie too (although he is waiting until later this week - he's still used to being "errand man" while I'm holding Charlie). Tomorrow I will be starting to change diapers and take his temperature, a couple of the only things parents can do in caring for him. Charlie spent almost 30 minutes awake while Doug and I cupped him and talked to him... just a powerful afternoon with our baby. God continues to solve my internal dilemmas and debates in one fell swoop, although it's not quite the way I want things resolved necessarily. Take...

Today was a good day overall. I slept a lot - you can tell I must be tired since I slept on my back all night, and I'm a side-sleeper! I saw Charlie twice today, and in the afternoon I got to hold him again - from here on out known as "Kangaroo Care" when he just lays on my chest. My Mom spent an hour or so with Roman so Doug and I could be together with Charlie - the first time since Friday afternoon, really. My incision got to hurting quite a bit this afternoon, I think I overdid it a little. My Dad went home for a few a days but my Mom is going to play driver, cook, and cleaner this week to help me get back on my feet. The following week we're hoping Doug's parents can fill that role, and by then I can probably drive again. If not, I think I'll be calling in all those offers to help and turning them into driving me to the hospital. But we'll see. Roman is still hanging in there. He was very tired today, and he expressed many times today he was very happ...

So I had to dictate to Doug last night, I was so exhausted. Making me walk. Who do the fool doctors think they are, slicing open my abdomen and then telling me to get up on my own out of bed to go to the bathroom? For crying out loud. Pain is mostly under control with alternating Tylenol #3 and Motrin, hoping tomorrow I can just operate on one or the other. I've also been told to drink 3 big jugs a day of water. Whew! Roman is doing fine as a big brother. Yesterday he was too afraid to touch Charlie in the incubator; today he put both his hands in and "cupped" him (one hand on head, one hand at feet). That was really neat to see. I spent about 1-1/2 hours just holding Charlie on my chest, in "skin to skin" contact as they call it, so he can hear my heartbeat and voice. The nurse said he was very stable, just small, so I can come up anytime and hold him. I still vary between wanting to nurse my own wounds and just hold him all day. I suspect they will kick me out...

Dr decided on Thursday that Charlie was "better out than in." So, after another round of hurried phone calls, I was prepped for emergency C-Section and Charlie was born at 7:23pm! He cried after being pulled out and his scores were all normal. We only saw him briefly through the porthole and they whisked him off to the NICU (Neonatal Intesive Care Unit.) Friday they put me on the Magnesium drip again because I am still considered pre-eclampsic and will continue to be for the next few days. Doug was able to see Charlie right away as did Roman and all Grandparents. I was able to see him this afternoon when they brought him down for five minutes. They layed Charlie and me "skin to skin." It just brought a big smile to my face and he calmed right down. Guess there is some truth to that bonding feeling! Charlie was on a CPAP (continous positive airway pressure) for about 12 hours but he's been pulled off and he is breathing on his own. He's been getting ...

My regular OB came around this afternoon to tell me that my urine protein continues to go up; I'm now at 2500+, and in his words the "go to" number (when they'd take the baby no matter what) is 5000+. Doug, upon hearing this information, immediately began to plot my numbers in a graph to see when I'll give birth, assuming my body functions like a linear equation. What a guy, my favorite engineer! Based on numbers and what the OB said in code, it's looking like our best bet is to hold out another couple weeks. So it may be a January birthday after all. My OB then explained their desire to transfer me to the OB docs here, and also refer me to a high-risk "maternal fetal medicine" doctor. The new OB came to see me this evening around 6:15 and after a conference with me, and then a call to the high risk dr., decided to put me on Procardia for my bp. This was expected, but she tells me that 80% of patients on Procardia experience headaches. Great. Like a ...

My days have more of a rhythm now. It's 6:45am and the nurses usually start in around 6am. The mystery doctor, I think, is from the OB staff here at the hospital. She also pushes on my belly when she visits. She comes in around 6am, followed by the blood pressure brigade. Today they wanted to weigh me, too. Then Dietary comes in around 7am with my menu to select for the next day. Today I am sneaking a peek at the Internet before breakfast, which comes around 7:30 or 8am. I am trying to have a new goal each day. For example, yesterday was to play "Civilization II" on the laptop, which it took me awhile to remember how to move my guys, but I did. Today I have to write to my grad class professors and ask if I can still do the journal work for credit. I asked my advisor on Monday but he said to ask them directly first. As for my vitals, I should get results of my blood & urine tests back today. My bp is creeping again, this time my lower (diastolic?) number. I've b...

I'm moving in, requesting things from Doug from home; pillows, personal hygiene stuff, clothes. It's nice I can wear my regular clothes here. The social worker came to visit me today - I liked her alot, better than the one we talked to this weekend.She was funny, said she knew right away I was a planner and a worrier. I didn't think it was that obvious, but she said she could tell from my job - any teacher is a planner and worrier! She gave me an overview of what to expect for myself and immediate family over the next few days, and suggestions on coping. First, she suggested journaling - which I obviously do. She said besides my own feelings, however, I have to start journaling TO Charlie. This was an idea i hadn't gotten to yet, but she said a lot of women will get angry with the fetus over this situation and therefore not bond later (another topic I've been thinking on for awhile) so she encouraged me to write to Charlie. I told her I scrapbooked too, and we talke...

There's a mystery doctor that checks in every night around 2 or 3am. I have no idea who she is or why she's stopping by. She asks me a couple questions, pokes my ankles, and then leaves. Weird. My regular OB came around today, the same one who was on call when I went to the hospital on Friday. I'm kind of sad that they probably won't be delivering Charlie, since I like a couple of them very much now. She told me frankly that she truly believed I was going to have to deliver this weekend, and she was pleased to see I proved her wrong. She said whatever it was that made me go to the hospital, it was a blessing. Thank goodness for that! The neonatologist also came by to see me today and present "worst case scenarios." Doug and I are both that way, though - give us the worst, and we'll be pleased when things aren't bad. Most of it was unsurprising (lung, eye, and brain issues with a preemie) but a couple things we'll have to talk about - breastfeeding,...

I was glad to have a "to do" list this morning. Had to contact Madonna about my grad classes, and then school/Board Office to arrange my absence, do some other things. Had a phone call from a friend in Ireland, even, which buoyed my spirits. Mornings are hard, I wake up pretty weepy knowing that the world is going on without me and I can't contact people before 8am. Of course, the breakfast tray at 7:30am makes me feel a bit better. It's been nice having so many phone calls, as I'm sure as the days go by I'll get less and less. They are doing construction around here and I can hear the sound of metal being snaked through pipes above my room. As for tests, they are running the urine screen again, and along with that came a blood draw at 7:00am. Then my dr. apparently asked for other blood screenings, so she had to come back and take more. I am doing my own work for the urine tests, have to pour it into a jug. "Earning my keep," as Doug said. My bp...

Another day in the belly is a good day. My bp has been creeping up, which they are watching, but my mind doesn't like to rest (and neither does my appetite), which I think can account for the high numbers. My urine test from Friday came back; they like to see protein between 0-300+, and I was at 1650+. So they are going to redo it starting Monday a.m. to make sure it's not getting worse. Charlie is doing just fine on the monitor, no big deal. I'm not having contractions anymore, which is good too. So I get tricked into thinking everything is fine. The dr. and nurse reassured me today, however, that half of the worry is me - if my bp keeps going up high I am at risk for stroke, seizure, and all kinds of fun things. So they've been taking it, oh, probably every 4 hours. I may have to actually pay attention to that tomorrow. Both Roman and Doug have been troopers but are also exhausted. Roman was in bed by 6:45pm tonight and asleep by 7pm, from what I was told; that was...

So. Many of you know the drama of the last couple days, but here it is to fill everyone in. I am in the hospital under bed rest orders until the baby comes. We are hoping to get to 34 weeks (I'm 291/2) but as my dr. said, each day in the belly is worth 4 in the NICU, so we'll just take it one day at a time. I had growing backaches the last week - nothing unusual, I figured, for Charlie gaining weight. Then I felt chest burning and pain - heartburn, I figured, nothing unusual since Charlie's growing and smushing up my organs. But the chest burning got worse. And worse. And by Thursday night, nothing could stop the pain. So at my normal 4am wakeup, I thought, I'm going to the ER, get me some pain medicine, and I'll be back in time for Doug to go to work. Luckily I had already called a sub for Friday and had planned on staying home with Roman. Drove myself, and I got to the hospital and started crying at registration because the pain was so bad. Because of the pregnanc...

We had dinner at church tonight. I mentioned off-hand that someone else's kids were adopted. Roman asked, "When will the baby be adopted?" Now, I figured eventually he would get to asking questions, but I didn't expect it in this form! Here's how the conversation went: Roman: "When will the baby be adopted?" Doug: "It won't be, honey." Amy: "It doesn't get to be that lucky." Roman: "Because I came from someone else's tummy." Amy: "Yes, that's true. And she couldn't take care of you, so she allowed you to be adopted." Roman: "Why not?" (Doug and Amy meet eyes, take deep breaths... this is really the first time he's asked.) Amy: "She did not have a lot of money. She could not afford to buy you toys, or buy a lot of food, or make sure you had nice things. And she wanted you to have toys & nice things. So she decided you should live with a family who could give you those thing...

I have had an interesting slide into the last trimester. My stomach has seemed to shrink overnight. Like Saturday I couldn't stop eating, and Sunday I couldn't eat a thing. It has been that way since, unfortunately - I am not hungry anymore, generally. I'm supposed to drink a lot of water, but there's no room for it in my stomach OR my bladder. And that old friend fatigue has come back to visit for good, I fear. I wake up about three times a night; around 1 or 1:30, around 4:00, and then again around 5 or 5:30, only a half hour before the alarm is going to go off. The only time I go to the bathroom is 4am, however; the other times are position changes. Charlie is really rock-and-rolling in my belly now. Visual "waves" are noticeable; in fact, as I just finished that last paragraph, he moved around enough to make the laptop bounce on my lap. The kids at school make no bones about checking out my belly now - who wouldn't, when the great white whale is making...

As the new year came upon us, one of the thoughts forefront in our brains was - "oh my gosh, we're having a baby this year." As I mentioned earlier, we truly were not planning or buying or really, even thinking about the arrival of the infant. Well, now we have to. So for us, 2008 will bring a new life into our home - and changes that are going to begin today, as I go basement-picking at a friend's house for "baby stuff" and start lugging home a highchair, a Boppy pillow, a floor-gym, and various other gear that she may have. For Roman, 2008 will bring just as many changes. A new life into our family means he will really have to share his Mama & Daddy. Even with Rebekka, our focus rarely changes from what's best for Roman and he typically still gets at least one parent's attention. With Charlie coming, Roman is going to learn the meaning of family - as in sharing time, space, and attention. However, 2008 will also bring a HUGE new stage for Ro...