A coworker is finally adopting an infant. They have waited for SO long, years in fact. I am so happy for her & her husband. News came in today that the birthmother has gone into labor & delivery will have to be by C-section... and then I had a rush of thoughts & feelings that I wish I could have said to my coworker. So here's what I would have liked to say:
Remember that the happiest day of your life is the worst day of your baby's. Think of the triad - what are the birthparents going through, what is the baby going through? Be sensitive. The birthmother is going through trauma and will have nothing to show for it but a good decision. The baby, while going to a loving home, is losing its familiar world. Babies are made to be with their mothers. Be sensitive.
Write everything down. You will not remember all the details of this amazing day, and your baby will want to know every. single. detail. Sounds, smells, colors, people. It is so important to document your baby's first moments. Who held the baby, how long, in what order, what did each person say or do or whisper... it all creates "page one" of your baby's story. Many adoptees start at Chapter 2. Don't let that happen to your baby.
Attach with that baby. Meet its every need. Its psyche is experiencing loss - soothe it. Baby knows you are not the original mother... soothe it with your actions. Mother is more important than Dad right now. Put in lots of hard work.
Continue to keep the birthparents in mind & prayer. While they made this wonderful choice, they are going through loss too. Remember that in their hearts, love helped make this decision. You will not be its only parents, but you will be its best parents.
Remember that the happiest day of your life is the worst day of your baby's. Think of the triad - what are the birthparents going through, what is the baby going through? Be sensitive. The birthmother is going through trauma and will have nothing to show for it but a good decision. The baby, while going to a loving home, is losing its familiar world. Babies are made to be with their mothers. Be sensitive.
Write everything down. You will not remember all the details of this amazing day, and your baby will want to know every. single. detail. Sounds, smells, colors, people. It is so important to document your baby's first moments. Who held the baby, how long, in what order, what did each person say or do or whisper... it all creates "page one" of your baby's story. Many adoptees start at Chapter 2. Don't let that happen to your baby.
Attach with that baby. Meet its every need. Its psyche is experiencing loss - soothe it. Baby knows you are not the original mother... soothe it with your actions. Mother is more important than Dad right now. Put in lots of hard work.
Continue to keep the birthparents in mind & prayer. While they made this wonderful choice, they are going through loss too. Remember that in their hearts, love helped make this decision. You will not be its only parents, but you will be its best parents.
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