Now A Family of *gulp* Six.

"I knew we were screwed up, so at least Girl could be our cover." This was the general quote from their first mom, when describing how she made sure Girl was presentable, had nice manners, & always acted appropriately. This had an interesting effect on Girl however - she was raised from the beginning to think she had to be perfect. In looks, behavior, achievements - there had to be no mistakes.  Along with this came first mom's obsession (and now Girl's) with clothing, hair, and even makeup. Mommy would not allow anyone else to do Girl's hair, buy her clothes, or try to influence her in any way.  Also, of course, is the probably deep-seated belief that if only Girl had been more perfect, she could have stayed with Mommy. This belief manifests in interesting ways in day to day life. Girl has great resilience & can-do attitude. She is determined to complete things, even if she has to have a good cry in the middle of it. But it also means she wants to be in...

I spent this afternoon with the kiddos' mommy. She has been asking me to go shopping with her so she can buy "nice clothes," as she puts it. Ha, I was excited to shop with someone who fits into a medium. All the cute clothes! We hit Carson's since it is going out of business, and prices were 30-50% off. Still more than she's ever paid for clothes as she usually shops Wal-Mart. It has been so long since we've been able to chat without interruption, it was very nice. She is at a crossroads now, and more than once compared herself to a young child who is lost. She readily admits that she could not, and cannot, be a good every-day mom. She is their birthmom, but says she is more comfortable acting like their older sister because she considers Doug & I her parents as well. Or maybe, she says, she'll be like the "favorite aunt" as they grow up. She asked me directly for the first time if we should be doing a closed adoption instead, and if she sh...

I had long hair until 3rd grade, when it was cut & I had short hair ever since. When I got married in my mid-20s I had grown it out again to just past my shoulders, and it has never been that long since. Needless to say, I don't know how to do "girl hair." I can braid, sure, but that's it. Now I have another female in the house who is obsessed with her hair. And other people's hair. And their hair accessories. And the color of their hair. It goes deeper than that, though. In play therapy she usually identifies the "good" character as a blonde like her mommy. She hates dolls or characters with brown hair (her own). Any hairstyle I would suggest early on was met with a yuck-face or she'd let me try it, followed with - "it looks disgusting" and she'd take it out. So I gave up.  Last week Girl started mentioning doing her hair again, but kept coming up with ideas that can't be done with her length of hair. I suggested we loo...