I spent this afternoon with the kiddos' mommy. She has been asking me to go shopping with her so she can buy "nice clothes," as she puts it. Ha, I was excited to shop with someone who fits into a medium. All the cute clothes! We hit Carson's since it is going out of business, and prices were 30-50% off. Still more than she's ever paid for clothes as she usually shops Wal-Mart. It has been so long since we've been able to chat without interruption, it was very nice. She is at a crossroads now, and more than once compared herself to a young child who is lost.
She readily admits that she could not, and cannot, be a good every-day mom. She is their birthmom, but says she is more comfortable acting like their older sister because she considers Doug & I her parents as well. Or maybe, she says, she'll be like the "favorite aunt" as they grow up. She asked me directly for the first time if we should be doing a closed adoption instead, and if she should drop out of their life. Oh, how my heart wrenched! That she had the bravery to ask. That she continues to try to make the best decisions for her kids, even if it hurts her. That she's tackling all of this sober with no other support than us, her counselor, & her old boss at a pizza place.
The answer, of course, is no - we are not doing a closed adoption. We are in rare territory - a family that is adopting foster children who also have a close bond with their first mother. So she and I agreed to just forge ahead with trial and error and do the best we can. Love will smooth things out.
She readily admits that she could not, and cannot, be a good every-day mom. She is their birthmom, but says she is more comfortable acting like their older sister because she considers Doug & I her parents as well. Or maybe, she says, she'll be like the "favorite aunt" as they grow up. She asked me directly for the first time if we should be doing a closed adoption instead, and if she should drop out of their life. Oh, how my heart wrenched! That she had the bravery to ask. That she continues to try to make the best decisions for her kids, even if it hurts her. That she's tackling all of this sober with no other support than us, her counselor, & her old boss at a pizza place.
The answer, of course, is no - we are not doing a closed adoption. We are in rare territory - a family that is adopting foster children who also have a close bond with their first mother. So she and I agreed to just forge ahead with trial and error and do the best we can. Love will smooth things out.
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