"I knew we were screwed up, so at least Girl could be our cover." This was the general quote from their first mom, when describing how she made sure Girl was presentable, had nice manners, & always acted appropriately. This had an interesting effect on Girl however - she was raised from the beginning to think she had to be perfect. In looks, behavior, achievements - there had to be no mistakes. Along with this came first mom's obsession (and now Girl's) with clothing, hair, and even makeup. Mommy would not allow anyone else to do Girl's hair, buy her clothes, or try to influence her in any way. Also, of course, is the probably deep-seated belief that if only Girl had been more perfect, she could have stayed with Mommy.
This belief manifests in interesting ways in day to day life. Girl has great resilience & can-do attitude. She is determined to complete things, even if she has to have a good cry in the middle of it. But it also means she wants to be in charge & control things, which more and more is colliding with MY need to be in charge & control things. This evening's example:
I had been wanting to reorganize the linen closet since we moved in, as we had just tossed stuff in there. I asked Girl if she wanted to help - of course she does! So I start telling herwhat to do how to start and she immediately tries to do things differently. We compromise and move along. Little Boy comes along and wants to "help" too. I tell her to let him put Band-Aids in the box. Girl starts giving instructions to him, including exactly how to lay them in the box (all facing the same way). Drives me crazy. Little Boy goes to bed, and I start taking the little storage boxes and putting labels on them. This causes the interiors to get jumbled, so she takes them back from me and starts laying everything in order again. I tell her that they will just get jumbled again when I put them in the closet, and I get a "I know!" in response. And.... I'm done.
We know how to grow a conscience in a child who doesn't have one. We know how to handle bipolar mood swings. We are getting better at managing anger episodes in our children. But we're not quite sure how to reprogram a perfectionist.
This belief manifests in interesting ways in day to day life. Girl has great resilience & can-do attitude. She is determined to complete things, even if she has to have a good cry in the middle of it. But it also means she wants to be in charge & control things, which more and more is colliding with MY need to be in charge & control things. This evening's example:
I had been wanting to reorganize the linen closet since we moved in, as we had just tossed stuff in there. I asked Girl if she wanted to help - of course she does! So I start telling her
We know how to grow a conscience in a child who doesn't have one. We know how to handle bipolar mood swings. We are getting better at managing anger episodes in our children. But we're not quite sure how to reprogram a perfectionist.
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