Now A Family of *gulp* Six.

In the wake of the shootings on Friday in Connecticut, I have enjoyed the rising call for understanding and more treatment for mentally ill people.  There clearly was something "wrong" with the shooter. Autistic people do not plan mass killings just because they are autistic. In fact, I'm willing to bet what was diagnosed as Asperger's was probably something else - mood disorder, personality disturbance, whatever. Anyway. What I've especially been interested in is a mom's post about having a young teen with the same issues. I've been sad about the backlash. Because what she describes as an undiagnosed rage issue is exactly what Roman experienced when younger. She describes having to hold her son so he wouldn't throw himself out of the car into traffic after declaring he wanted to kill himself, and then getting elbowed, kicked, punched, etc. THIS IS WHAT ROMAN DID.  This began as an argument over blue pants. YES. I can't stand when people blame...

So, I mentioned in the previous post that I was working on bringing about balance between work and school. This weekend didn't count, though, because I had a ton of work to catch up on from when I was MIA. Otherwise, this week I did pretty good - although when at home and I thought of something from work, I had to consciously push it to the back of my mind. That's hard work! I knew that something was going to give, though, as soon as I signed Charlie up for swim lessons. Roman has therapy on Mondays, neurofeedback on Tuesdays along with tang soo do for Doug and Charlie, and now Charlie with swim on Wednesdays. And with the perspective that comes from being at home with no pressure from anywhere, I knew what had to give. I resigned my position as swim coach on Friday. Every other year we have "late" practice, which means 4:45-6pm. I wouldn't be able to do anything else, and I can't ask Doug to leave work early every day for 6 weeks. My family life comes f...

It has been an interesting break from work that I've completed. 3 weeks away from the classroom, and then another 2 weeks of break. A relative told me that there was a reason why it would happen during the school year and to go with the flow. Of all school years, this has been the most frustrating to me so I do find it interesting my medical needs came up when they did. In the break I found that I really like being at home. Of course, there was a lot to do - Christmas shopping & the like - and I could get that all done while the kids were at school. Once I could stand for more than 10 minutes at a time, cooking was (almost) fun because I had the time to plan ahead and everything was ready. I could do things for my family and for myself, and thus evenings were more relaxed (and Doug!) because there wasn't laundry, dishes, medicine to pick up, presents to wrap, etc. hanging over us. But I can see that staying home all the time would be hard on my brain. I like people, I l...

It's hard for me to put in words my feelings about work without sounding like what most of America thinks teachers are. This has been one of the hardest school years already for a variety of reasons, and it truly is enough to make me daydream about not working anymore. It's the first year I can honestly say I don't love my job. What has happened? State pressure = district trying to stay ahead of the curve. Here in Michigan teachers are apparently overpaid and underworked. The tenure system is horrible and must be gotten rid of. Union protection is unnecessary, & pay raises should be based on test outcomes. To this end, my district has been changing the evaluation process. Where it used to be every 3 years, now it's every year. They introduced a new rubric & goals about 5 years ago that now is out the window. Our goals must now be SMART - I forget what it all stands for, but measurable, attainable, blah blah blah. We are required to have 3 of them, 2 related to...

Just wanted to document this somewhere. Birds we have seen at our feeders: Blackbird Red-winged blackbird Chipped sparrow white-throated sparrow Cardinal Mourning Dove Black-capped chickadee (Robins, obviously, in our yard) Oh yeah, that hawk that attacked another bird once Doug's favorite is the chickadee. I like them too, and the cardinal. Charlie seems to like the blackbirds, but he calls them starlings. He and Roman like to scare the mourning doves off. I have recently been interested in the white-throated sparrow though, because they look odd - brown bodies, with black-and-white stripes on their head. Anyway. Back to your regularly planned surfing.

I have always been okay talking about death. Because it is unavoidable, perhaps because my parents handled my early experiences with it well. I had the privilege to talk to my Grandpa about his feelings about impending death when he was given just a couple months to live. It still remains as one of the best conversations I have ever had. My Grandma was the same way, very pragmatic about the whole thing. Because other family members were "too emotional" in her opinion, she asked me to write up her informal bequeaths, her obituary for the newspaper, and general directions in how her memorial service should run. It didn't bother me to do this at all - not only a favor to my grandmother, but also something I feel is pretty important anyway. So. I try to talk with Roman pretty factual about death too. It's not scary, it's not something to avoid - in fact, we refer to it as going to live with God . And for hard-believing Christians, is there anything better, really? Wou...

Today, with all the rain-turned-snow, it has been a lazy day here. Luckily, the boys cooperated. So often when Doug and I want to just putter around the house, that's when the kids are bouncing off the walls and needing to get their energy out. Today they were happy to read books, play, and do errands with their Dad (separately, of course. We don't try to take them out at the same time!). Even better, today they played together really well! We know tomorrow will probably be horrible in those terms, so we are soaking up the goodness today. These pictures, taken just a few minutes ago, shows the awesomeness in our living room; Daddy and Charlie watching "Johnny Test," with Charlie believing he has a better view through his handyman safety goggles... And then Roman, who sold back a game at GameStop to get Pokemon SoulSilver for his DS. He is very happy to sit in the comfy chair and play! So many times we get caught up in the struggle of day to day, meds and tantrums, sc...

I am proudly a lefty. In fact, I am dominantly left-handed - it is uncomfortable for me to do most things with my right hand. And one of the great things about having a biological child is that he's a lefty too! Charlie showed off his dominant hand very early on when he first started grabbing at spoons. Life is hard for us, sure - but it is pretty awesome to be left-handed. I thought of this today, though, as I flipped over the paper towel roll for the umpteenth time - do righties have any idea what it's like to live in their world? Here are the things I encounter: Notebook spirals digging into my hand/arm can openers operated with my weak hand had to train myself to use the computer mouse on the right the number pad on a keyboard is always on the right the paper towel always has to be flipped - it's on a vertical holder and I want the loose end on the left, whereas Doug wants it on the right I put cards in envelopes upside down and backward I change diapers opposite of Dou...

I've been pretty emotional the past couple days. I thought it was stress. At my support group, they're thinking it might be because of Charlie, and my body remembering . Interesting idea.

I am not a fan of birds. But this summer, I was possessed with the desire to own a birdfeeder & attract them. I'm not sure why. And of course, being a beginner, I ended up attracting a squirrel. Not just any squirrel - Jumpy. Jumpy has been hanging around our house since before Charlie was born, hiding his nuts in our yard & basically being a nuisance. Roman is the one who named him. Well, the arrival of the birdfeeders appeared to be the challenge Jumpy was looking for. It doesn't matter what kind of feeder I buy, Jumpy figures out how to get seeds from it. He destroyed the one pictured below within 2 weeks. The thing is, I don't really mind feeding Jumpy. Of course, he's getting quite fat and may not make it up to his nest in the tree across the street eventually, but I like seeing him. But I do miss seeing birds strangely, so yesterday I bought a magazine from Birds & Blooms with tips on what to put in feeders to attract certain kinds of birds. And it daw...

I'm apparently into lists, because in my head I was thinking of what to blog and it was another list. Bulletpoints are great. So... why I think summer is kind of cool. We have a great big tree in our front yard that shades the deck. And no matter how hot it is, it's shady & cool on that deck. Roman can have playdates on any day. No school nights to beware of! And if I do it right, like right now, Roman can have a more-quiet friend over while Charlie naps & I get precious time to myself. If I grab the hose & "accidentally" get the kids & myself wet, it's okay. We have all day to dry off. Charlie can go in just a diaper and it's acceptable. If I feel like going to a store, I can just go. No narrow window between work & school pickup & dinner making. I have the patience to do a craft with the kids. And they think it's fun. A slight downside - I take pictures of everything. And then want to scrap it. And can't find the time! But I d...

Lyrics of an old song that dashed through my head today as I attended to my family's needs. Charlie is really coming into his own and it's great to see - except I am reminded that I really hate "two." There's lots of demanding and no understanding. Can Mama have 30 seconds to finish this article in a magazine that she's tried to read 4 times today? NO! "Mama play!" is heard. And we're not just talking the 2-year-old with that one. Because of many reasons, I seem to have hit the wall of not wanting to play with Roman. But my support group helped me realize that it's not playing with Roman - it's playing Legos with Roman that I can't stand. I would play card games, baseball, what have you... but I just can't stand role-playing stuff with him. This stretches all the way back to Thomas the Tank Engine. Perhaps because I always did it by myself, I don't get the need to constantly have someone interacting. But anything I could do n...

I have to steal words from others to get you in the emotional place to understand our relationship with Roman. This is courtesy of our therapist, who posted this as a preview to an article she sent a group of us: I know you have heard… “He’s just so cute and seems so sweet.” Or, “She behaves so wonderfully for her teacher.” Better yet, “I don’t ever see any misbehavior!” Comments such as these, for a parent struggling to develop a relationship with an attach disturbed child, is not just a slap in the face but reaches inside and takes a tight hold on those growing roots of fear. “It must be me?” “What am I doing wrong?” How do you explain this phenomenon, this abstract concept of ‘being attached’? How do you explain that what is being experienced when rebuffed by a child, your child, is something nearly unexplainable? How do you express the intimate loneliness, the loss of reciprocity so innate that it should be effortless? Roman wants me so badly that he pushes me away. I'm sure th...

Well, not always. But I am trying to keep calm & see the sunny side of things. So my new banner is my current favorite digital scrapbooking supplies. It's called " Happy Go Lucky " by Shabby Princess . I love her stuff. The font is also my current favorite font, " Be Safe ." It's a replica of Edward's handwriting from Twilight . Oh, yes. I've been in a retrospective mood this week, as it's the 5-year anniversary of Roman joining our family. All the dates go by, starting with March 25 & ending April 1, and I can remember what we were doing every day. March 25 at 4pm was our court date. March 26 we visited the baby home like always. Same as March 27, but we also went sight-seeing with Dima that afternoon. March 28 was what people refer to as "Gotcha Day" - we don't, we just call it when we were able to bring Roman with us. I will never forget that car ride away from the baby home. The mixture of emotions I had - with him snugg...

Had a nice conversation with a neighbor the other day, mom of another boy in first grade. We were talking about what summer camps could interest the boys and whether they should do flag football in the fall - you know, common March conversations. :) Anyway, she recognized the football team names and said "oh, I've seen cars with those stickers on it! I want to be one of those moms!" I giggled at first and she said, "don't you?" And that question has stuck in my mind. And you know... I think I do. Why do I want a sticker on my car? We actually bought one from the place where Roman & Doug do karate. I was disappointed to find that because my trunk windows are tinted I couldn't post the sticker. I think I want it because it means we belong... we're connected to something. And that's something we've not felt here for a long time. Partly because we resisted it... this area was our starter home, our stepping stone to something else. But now...

Being that I have intense moments with my oldest, & the youngest has officially reached "terrible two" age, I realized that this year wasn't the year for resolutions. It was the year for reshifting & remaking priorities. My biggest need - a feeling of calmness. Serenity. Being centered. Content. Balanced. I could go on like a thesaurus, but I'm sure you know what I'm getting at. This actually started last Fall, I guess. At least, it's when I started noticing that I was getting more content. The housing market, or lack of, made me realize that we are here in this house for quite a while yet. And I didn't want to keep thinking stuck here . I just wanted to be here . To get to that point, I had to start looking at the good things about this area. And a funny thing happens... you do it long enough, and you start seeing even the smallest things that are good. Next I realized that since the holidays, I have been going to bed each night feeling very conte...

It was George Washington who declared the first federally recognized Thanksgiving Day, in 1789. I found this interesting tidbit on PBS's website: "Thus begins the great American festival, known as Thanksgiving. It is alike a holy day, and a patriotic day. The genius of the American Founding is here demonstrated: Only in America could all citizens, of all religious persuasions, celebrate equally a day that is holy and patriotic . Only in a regime of religious liberty could members of different religions unite together as equal citizens. Such a thing would have been unimaginable, for example, in 17th or 18th century Europe. George Washington understood well the significance of this achievement. By enshrining it in a national holiday, Washington continues to remind us today of the source of all that we enjoy as American citizens." Well said. Happy Thanksgiving.

Once upon a time I was living in another city which had the perfect-size mall & a unique downtown. I was single & only had my close relatives to buy for at holiday-time. And I absolutely loved the weeks heading into Christmas and all the sales. Not for gifts for others - for things for myself! Those days of selfishness are long gone, and I kind of miss them. I got an email from an online scrapbooking business this morning with their Black Friday deals, and that combined with the Coldwater Creek catalogs they keep sending me with "save $25 or $30" coupons is making me itch to get out there and turn this recession around all by myself. I used to pick up all the fun things that I generally denied myself throughout the year... things like that cute but wholly unnecessary shirt or skirt, books, movies, CDs, even knick-knacks. How could I help but spend when I saved so much money?! When I had kids, it didn't stop. I have just as much fun buying clothes & toys for t...

Grief is strong in my mind today. Not wanting to go to Thanksgiving, first holiday in all my 35 1/2 years without my Grandma there. This has hit me harder than when my Grandpa died - with age comes more sadness, perhaps? Maybe because of what my own children have lost.

My grandma has been laid to rest, and as a bonus got to say an unexpected goodbye again to my grandpa. I guess my family does things a little different. Neither of my grandparents were fans of funeral homes and both wanted to be cremated. So today we did a private interment at the cemetery, one of those cool high-rise box-holder things. Grandpa's ashes were already inside there, so it was kind of nice to be able to see them both side by side again, as it were. My cousin had the good idea to have all the kids send balloons up in the air to let Grandma know we were thinking of her. The kids liked that. Then, my aunt pulled out a box of Fannie May (Grandma's favorite) and we all had a piece in memory of her. Mmm, milk chocolate buttercreams. At 2pm the memorial began in Kalamazoo. A lot of residents from the Village came, and our family took up 6 rows, it was crazy. Nice to see my Grandma's brother and his side of the family, it had been a little over a year. It wasn't as ...