Now A Family of *gulp* Six.

I've been comfortable with the idea of counseling since I was in high school. That was when I first visited one to get help dealing with my emotions & to learn strategies to deal with certain situations. I found one again in college when I struggled with depression. And again when we were newly married and I had new situations to navigate. So when our oldest needed therapy for attachment and other issues, it was no big deal to enter into a 2.5 year relationship with a new therapist (since retired). Along the way, we've spread our dysfunction  needs to others; we now have a stable of 2 therapists who do counseling, a psychologist who does testing, & a psychiatrist who prescribes the medication three of us need to stay emotionally balanced. We've become well versed in the mental health field. In fact, I was jokingly offered a job at Easter Seals last week when I described how we handle emotional meltdowns . Enter the kiddos. Girl came to us already seeing a therapi...

It's difficult to find the correct line between allowing the kiddos to see their previous family members & working to make them a part of our family. I think it's so important to keep a connection with their blood relatives; at the same time, they are so dysfunctional. Girl acts out for a day or two after seeing them too. What's best for the kids? The ability to speak to blood relatives is important to me, as being adopted myself I never had that chance. But kiddos need to be safe, and definitely don't need to be exposed to certain things... ever. All throughout the fostering we made sure that they saw a particular grandparent who was involved, and occasionally saw an aunt & another grandparent too. Girl has expressed not caring if she sees them; but you can't always believe her attitude. She has accused me in the past of keeping her mom away from her, at the same time. And speaking of - they still see her, at our discretion. And boy, does Girl go through ...

Since Girl and Little Boy came to live with us, there's been lots of "finding the right words." How do you explain to Girl why she's moved to your home, her 5th house in 10 months, without making everyone else the villain? She herself gave us the words to explain one of her birthparents' problem: "they drink too many adult drinks."  So imagine explaining to Girl why her mommy is in a rehab center - because she needs help not drinking the adult drinks. Or why her daddy's visits were ended - he is drinking adult drinks before he sees them & it's against the rules. And it got worse. How do you tell Girl that it was decided she would be safest away from her mommy? That her hope of living with her again will never happen? There are no suggestions on the Internet, folks, because I Googled it in multiple ways. And even though in the situation, one can totally grasp why it's happening - you can't convince a young girl that it's the best...

The title of the blog, long dormant, has had to change. We are now a family of six, having taken in two foster children about 8 months ago. We had been long expecting it, and even joked about these particular children ending up in our home. Doug and I both feel that we were just waiting... not sure when they would arrive, but knowing in our hearts our family wasn't complete yet. A milestone for the kids has passed, and this past Monday we signed the papers to begin the adoption process. It is definitely not all rainbows and butterflies. Charlie especially is struggling with this change in our family. There are days one or more of us wants the kids to just. go. away. Life had gotten simple, organized, easy even. And while the daily task of raising four kids is sometimes overwhelming now, Doug and I continue to feel that long term we are the best family for them. So now I will have lots more to write about as we navigate this new chapter.

Since we don't think we will move in the next, oh, 10 years at least, Doug and I decided it was time to systematically go through our entire house and clean out. "But you're always throwing things out!" I can hear my mom say. :)  Yet we are hoarders of other things. So we decided that every Wednesday (trash night) we would clean out a small area of our house - something we could do in an hour or less. "Is it beautiful or are we using it?" is our mantra. If the answer is no, it is donated or trashed. We started in the basement food storage area, then moved to the back room shelves and cleaned out enough to have an empty shelf.  Next I went through the drawers in a dresser in storage down there, cleaning out 2 drawers. Feeling empowered, we have moved on to the kitchen. I started on the "lazy susan" then moved to the cupboard above it in the corner. I shifted some things around, and now we have not only clean & organized areas, there is also ...

We have been taking Roman to OT now for a month. Three times a week, we jump in the car at 4pm, drive 50 min. to the office, do 50 min. of therapy, and then drive the 50 min. home again. It makes for some long days! However, his confidence has already grown, his core & upper arm strength is increasing, and best of all - his encopresis is already improving. They have an OT named Sandy that we had been told about, who apparently has a "magic touch" when it comes to this problem. She has done 3 half-hour sessions with Ro and the problem has gone from 3-4 times a week to 2x a week. She does something called "visceral manipulation." Basically, as she explains it, his internal organs and nerves in the private area are bound, restricted, and confused. She applies different techniques to his low back & upper buttocks. Ro doesn't mind it - he gets to watch a video while he lays on a massage table. Sandy told me she currently has five clients with encopres...

Kindergarten is hard. That's Charlie's summary of his school year so far. He has a teacher who has high expectations! It was a good/bad start - he likes school, but some things are too easy and boring (alphabet, he already knows it). On the other hand, some things have been challenging to him - cutting, sitting quietly. We have gotten 2 calls from his teacher so far about his behavior. We all agree his behavior is worse in the afternoon and it's because he is so darn tired! That doesn't excuse his hitting, of course, or refusing to follow directions - but it does explain it. He's on a special behavior plan now, where his teacher notifies us what "color" he is (green, yellow, blue, red). If he gets 2 green in a row, we will give him a reward. Since starting it 4 weeks ago, he has earned 3 rewards. It clearly helps. He likes gym the best, and loves before & after-school care. Playtime! He is definitely ready to read - he's always spelling out words ...